College Basketball All-Hate Team ’16-’17
I think we’ve made it far enough along in the season for me to put together my All-Hate Team for this year’s College Basketball Season. The non-conference schedule for teams is through and the warm, fuzzy feelings from Christmas have passed, so it’s time to get some good old fashioned hate flowing. I threw together a quick list last year during my recap of the Michigan State/Providence College basketball game last year after Denzel Valentine pissed me off to the high heavens with this move at the end of the game…
Here’s a look at last year’s starting 5 and coach:
Matt McQuaid (Michigan State)
Trevor Cooney (Syracuse)
Denzel Valentine (Michigan State) – Captain
Ryan Arcidiacono (Villanova)
Ryan Anderson (Arizona)
Coach: Jim Boeheim (Syracuse)
I still stand by all those selections after looking back at them. Arci is more of a personal one just because ‘Nova played PC so often and he is one of those annoying little players.
All but one of the players from last year’s squad are out of college, so we have our first two-time All-Hate Team player this year. Without further ado, here’s the team.
Dillon Brooks (Oregon)
I personally saw Dillon Brooks this year at the Maui Invitational and he might be even more hateable in person than he is on TV. You probably remember him from last year when Oregon beat Duke and he hit a three late in the game when the clock was running out and Coach K flipped out about some “sportsmanship” crap. If it was anyone else, I would agree that Coach K was being his usual blowhard self but I’ll agree with basically anyone who is against Dillon Brooks. He’s a punk to end all punks. He talks trash, yells at the refs for every foul (even when he’s on the bench), he’s nonathletic, and he always has that stupid scowl on his face.
Grayson Allen (Duke) – Captain
This might have been the easiest pick I’ve ever had for a guy on the all-hate team. With his recent third (THIRD!) tripping incident, pretty much the entire college basketball landscape it on the Grayson Allen hate train. He was basically invented in a lab to be the ultimate Duke basketball player. He’s unusually athletic for those hateable Duke guys but he makes up for it by being super dirty with cheap fouls. He may be the most hateable Duke player in the history of Duke basketball which is something that I thought would be insane to ever say considering they have Christain Laettner, J.J. Reddick, Bobby Hurley, Greg Paulus, and about a million other guys that I despise from their past. And he has the perfect name…Grayson, with possibly the most punchable face I’ve ever seen. He basically looks like Bullet from The Killing, the tomboy girl from the streets.
I love when Duke has a guy like Grayson Allen. It just makes college basketball infinitely more entertaining to have a Duke player to root against. Luke Kennard, I expect to see you on this list next year. Allen is currently suspended indefinitely but it’s going to be great when he comes back.A couple highlights for your viewing pleasure.
When your mom gets you the wrong color Mercedes at your Super Sweet 16https://t.co/lWS2R0B8pn
— #FinishTheFight (@PhiltheFilipino) December 22, 2016
J.P. Macura (Xavier)
I can’t possibly make an All-Hate Team and not have a player from the Big East. Providence plays each team home and away and then possibly a third time in the Big East Tournament, so the familiarity alone gets your blood boiling. PC just got blown out at Xavier so I’m coming off a healthy dose of J.P. Macura…and I don’t like it. He was wearing a head-to-toe white under armor outfit beneath his white Xavier uniform. I’m talking tights under his shorts and a long sleeve shirt. He was basically a ghost out there with his pale skin, uniform, and under armor. Now that Macura is starting, I’m sure my hate will only grow.
Matt McQuaid (Michigan State)
The first two-time All-Hate Team member, Matt McQuaid. Just look at this fucking guy. He’s one of those slap the floor guys who can’t actually guard anyone and thinks he’s 10x better than he actually is. He is basically Michigan State’s version of Greg Paulus except he plays the 2-spot instead of point. I can’t stand this guy. It says something when last year’s team had the despicable Denzel Valentine and I come away from the game also hating another player on the team. That means you set yourself apart as a hateable guy.
Jared Terrell (University of Rhode Island)
I could have easily went with one of the honorable mention guys below here but Jared Terrell just gets the venom going. When he played Providence this year, after every single freaking play, he was thumping his chest, doing a shimmy, yelling at guys/the crowd, and just wouldn’t shut up. Open layup, missed shot, doesn’t matter, he’s got something to say. My personal hate for URI probably bumps up Terrell a little bit and I’m totally OK with that. After all, this is a personal All-Hate Team.
Coach: John Calipari
The perfect word to describe John Calipari…slime ball. He just looks like a used car salesmen. Let’s go through some of Calipari’s career “highlights.”
1. Wins vacated at UMass.
2. Referred to Dan Garcia, a reporter for the Star-Ledger as a “Mexican idiot.”
3. Wins vacated at Memphis.
4. Eventual vacated wins Kentucky.
Honorable Mention Players: Luke Kennard (Duke), Jalen Brunson (Villanova), & Paschal Chukwu (Syracuse)
Special Hate Shout Out: Ref Jamie Luckie…you’re the worst